An update

i was going to delete my blog as i never use it anyway but when i read what i wrote before i don't think i should. I am so much happier now, college has really helped because it's strange i never saw myself as unhappy but seriously i didn't think i was unhappy, lonely maybe but content. But at college i have a great group of friends and we text and talk all the time i even have a social life again :). One of them Dani has really helped, we both suffered with bullies and we are really similar so i never have to put on a front with her cos the chances are she's been through the same thing or has the opinion. I even learned that I'm not completely undesirable and have had a few guys asking me out, i actually said yes to one of them but he turned out to be a bit of a let down (he was 40 minutes late for our date and we had no chemistry). One of my bus friends said that his mate had seen me outside college and asked who i was because i am a very attractive girl, which just goes to show that i can be pretty even on a wet windy day. So what i want to say is that i am so much happier now and i will try again with this blog to make sure i never lose faith in myself again. Goodbye my nonexistent readers :)

more rambling

i haven't posted for a while cos i don't have any readers apart from myself so by posting I'm just talking to myself which is a bit sad. Anyway I've finished my GCSEs had a taster day at college and met my new tutor although there is still one problem that i can't get out my head. in a few weeks i will get my results and then i will never see some of my friends again as they are all going to a different college. a few weeks ago i told my so called prom date exactly what i thought. i just said everything like how i was pissed off at him for ignoring me and that how we used to talk everyday but now don't speak at all. i had a rant for at least ten minutes after which i got a message typed back to me on msn (we only ever really talk on msn): ok lolz w/e i mean i had just talked for ten minutes and said exactly what was on my mind and all i got was a whatever. it was like having the rug pulled out from under my feet. i knew he could be an idiot but i always thought he respected me enough to listen to what i had to say. he just brushed me off like i was over reacting . I'm not mad at him for ignoring me I'm over that but i would have thought he respected me and treat me like a person. i told one of my friends this who was also one of his mates, one of the 'lads', and he told me that i obviously wasn't as clever as i looked for trusting him since he wasn't trustworthy. Although that's the problem i did trust him and just because I'm clever doesn't mean i don't make mistakes and really that's all people see me as a brain, a human encyclopedia, in my year book nearly everyone has thanked me for helping them and being a kind person. although sometimes i wish they would treat them like that person rather than someone who knows all the answers.

letting it all go

OK I've got used to the fact that no one is reading my blog but I'm just gonna post this cos i keep going over and over it in my head and i can't get over it. in 2 weeks time all my gcse's will be over and then I'll never see any of my friends again. at first i didn't think it would be that bad cos we would keep in touch. but now i know that we won't happen no one has called or emailed me to see how I'm doing (but then that never happened before anyway). sometimes i feel that I'm pushed up a glass window looking at everyone else they all seem so close and i feel left out. They've all got one best friend who they tell everything, I've never had that. seriously. sometimes it would be nice to know i just belong somewhere anywhere would be nice cos frankly I'm tired of staying indoors when everyone else is out. I'm tired of being the last one to know anything. I'm fed up of being sixteen years old and never been kissed. like what is it? Am i too ugly? Too boring? Too annoying? or am i just one of those people who is just a good friend. in my year book everyone said how i had helped them and been kind too them some even mentioned my great sense of humour yet why do i always fell like an outsider? Anyway I'm still really angry with my so called prom date, who still hasn't said a word to me which is strange cos before the prom we spoke everyday for hours about everything. what has suddenly changed that means he isn't talking to me. I'm not sure i even like him anymore cos every time i think about him i have an urge to break his nose. :) but don't worry I'm not going to turn into a psychopath I'm just really pissed off. i feel like my prom night was ruined because of him. and I've just realised why i post on here even though no one reads my blog... i post cos i don't need to worry what people think or if i might offend anyone I'm just saying what i really think and i don't have to put on a face to get me through the day cos although i feel that I'm surrounded by people with no one to talk to. i can still say what i feel on this blog. now i have an idea what to call my blog. thanks for listening my nonexistent readers.

stuck indoors revising

Erm not much to say today. except that it's really sunny outside :) the birds are singing and everything and i am stuck indoors revising :( i still haven't had any ideas for a new blog name but it will come eventually.

Just me talking to myself

Right well now i know I'm just talking to myself so it doesn't really matter what i say. i haven't posted for a few days cos frankly i never got that bored. but then i thought i may as well say something. So other the last few days I've gone on study leave, had my prom, realised one of my friends is a complete idiot and finished the new maximum ride book in one day. Also my punctuation skills have disappeared which is just as well because i have my GCSE English language and English lit. exams next week. But if anyone wants to know study leave is where you don't have to go to school because you prepare for exams at home and only go in for them. This is all very well apart from if you're not revising or you go in for an exam that you think starts at nine and find out it starts at eleven. Guess what happened to me today? i had to wait around for two hours and only one of those hours was i doing anything productive. Nevertheless it was only a chemistry module resit (apparently a B isn't good enough) and i ran out of time so i had to scribble down some answers for the last four questions and hope for the best :) Now i don't want to go on and on but i have a lot to say and no one is actually viewing my blog so it doesn't matter. So after going on study leave i had my prom last Saturday, i had my dress made for me, all my hair and make up done so you think it would have gone alright don't you? Wrong i left out one little thing my prom date. Now i did have one, we'd been friends for ages and we had said we were doing as friends. but that still means that he pays me some attention don't you think maybe a "hello" or "you look lovely". guess what i got... nothing not even a hello he completely ignored me i went up to him i tried to talk to him yet for the last song instead of dancing with his prom date, he danced with the 'Lads' and when i was saying goodbye to everyone did i get a hug like i did from everyone else?! no i got a "see ya". There are no words for how annoyed i am at him and even after 4 days I'm still too angry to speak to him. Anyway if anyone has read the maximum ride books the new one is brilliant i was laughing out loud and i couldn't believe some of the plot twists while others were expected. although the continued mention of fang's blog, which is on blogger seemed to cross the line between fiction and reality and I'm not quite sure about. Yes it was a great way to include the reader and get the story's message across (young people need to stand up for the planet as we're going to inherit it) but i can't get the feeling some gullible readers are going to take the story as fact even though it's fiction. Oh and that brings me onto my last subject (honest i will bring this to a close soon) i had no idea how many blogs were on here. for example i was already going onto sites such as Fang's blog and not realising they were blogger blogs. Furthermore the other day i typed in lost season 3 episodes in Google and it comes up with a blog form this site. These blogs can become integrated parts of websites so you don't even notice they're there. OK i think that's everything and I've just realised Je pense que isn't a very catchy name and i will think of a new name don't worry my non-existent readers

Customising my blog

Yesterday was my first blog and today i started customising. I've added page elements for lists of links, which I'll come back to later, and now I'm really impressed because i added a hit counter. It may sound easy but for me it was complicated since i had to edit the html code, something i had forgotten how to do. But i did it in the end and now everyone can see how many page loads my blog has received by looking at the bottom of my blog. But so far I'm the only person putting the number up. So I'm still talking to myself but I'll get round to publicising my blog there was a page on it in the help forums. Anyway the list of links means that i can list blogs that i think are interesting and other people should look at. So it will probably grow in time but in the mean time I'll just keep browsing and leaving comments. As it's nice to know someone's appreciated your blog. On a different note my french oral went really well today.

Pilot

OK

I've never done this before except once on my space and I think that that's just, i don't know, i guess it's easier to say what you really think or feel when no one else can hear you. Now that i can say anything i don't really know where to start. I suppose i should start with a little about me...

But maybe not, anyway i named this blog Je Pense Que because I'm probably gonna use it to record my thoughts and the name 'My Thoughts' isn't that original or catchy. If anyone's interested je pense que is french for i think that. I'm taking a french GCSE and my final oral exam is tomorrow, so I'm a bit nervous about that.

Wow I've just had like a flood of things to say but i don't think anyone in their right mind would want to hear my life story during my first blog. Although i will say that I'm going to start college in September and i thought i would start a blog to record my thoughts up to an during my A levels. Sometimes i feel that my voice just gets lost in the crowd and no one is ever going to notice me so i suppose i wanted to start a blog to ensure that someone somewhere heard me. I bet now I've said that no one will read it and I'm just talking to myself. But then there are so many blogs out there i can't be the only one talking to myself.